I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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