You just made me feel so damn special
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
