if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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