my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He kissed a someone with a penis
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
