Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
