you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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