Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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