So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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