I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize