Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize