the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Randomize
