I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
