Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
