You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Vodka?
Forever.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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