So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
