Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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