yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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