Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
