Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
