i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
