Will you blow on my dice?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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