Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
