remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
