i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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