You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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