I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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