Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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