All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
pop tarts are not kleenex
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
