Is it because I queefed?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I think I just shit out all my problems.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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