Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
