you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
