Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
