you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize