Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
