my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
