so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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