just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
