made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
