I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize