You made me cry and you don't even care
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
did you just send me my own nude
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
