Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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