If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
