So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
