how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize