OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
