You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
