If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize