Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
