It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
