you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
