Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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