i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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