3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
