Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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