then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
