I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
