so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
