Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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