kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
