if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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