Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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