Fine. I'll sleep in my office
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
