dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize