I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
