Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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