Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
