Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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