I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
What a dumb baby whore.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
