Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
