If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
