the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
