I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
