I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
