So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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