i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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