The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
