Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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