Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
