this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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