she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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