Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
