My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
