Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
