Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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