tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
