I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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