Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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