Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
