Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
