just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
