a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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