its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i think my cat just said my name.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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