so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
