Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
