"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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