You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
