one two three fourrrrnication!
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
