My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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