He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
