So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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