if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
