I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
