wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
