i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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