Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He shit in the fireplace
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
